Day 19: Someone that pesters my mind good or bad

Cal,

You were the first person I met when I found myself being adventurous & moving to IU knowing really no one. You handed me my keys to my first apartment I've ever had, my 3rd random roommate, & most importantly, the keys to something that would change my life forever. Through God's grace, it was one of the best decisions of my life & with it came some great friends, which, are now in my life forever, including no one other then yourself.

You are my best guy friend & I highly doubt that will ever change. You have been there for me through so much. I am beyond grateful for you & love you with all I am. The reason I picked you for today, should be of no surprise to you. You are my drunken savor, my wise advice guru, & the one who makes me look at two sides of the issue instead of my stubborn one side I tend to lean towards every time. No matter how down in the dumps I get, you also never let me forget how great of a person I am & sometimes when I'm down & out, that's just what I need to hear & that I thank you for.

You probably know me better then most people. It's to the point to where you still can predict my next move every time. As we know, we are similar in many ways so it's not to shabby. You're like having one of those books that were out when we were little kids. You know, the goosebump books where you read the story & if you wanted to do this you would skip to this page & if you wanted to that, you go to that page. Only, you're real life. LMAO! I will always listen to you & your advice. You are a wise soul.

Even though you beat my scores in DJ Hero, I will always love you. Anything you ever need, know that I will be here for you. I am so glad to have come across you in my life when I did & for the rest of my life as well!

Love Always,

Gerri

Day 18: The person you wish you could be

I remember in elementary school, in about the 5th grade, your teacher had you write a letter to yourself in 10 years. Then when you get to high school, it's like clockwork that your English teacher has you write a letter to yourself in oh say, 15 years. Well, in all those letters, if I can remember right, I am NO where I thought I would be down the line.

I thought that by now I'd be married. 1 kid, maybe 2 or on my way to one. I would have been a lawyer by now & I would have a house. Well, instead, I'm 0-4. I wish life was as easy as I wrote on that piece of paper. See, when you are a kid & you write those letters, you dream big without the details. Ahh, the beauty of being a kid. The beauty of no bills, no responsibilities....except who you're going to play with on the playground...and last but, not least, no idea of what you have to do to get there.

Now, life is not an excuse. I'm going to tell you guys a little secret about what I do to get through my obstacles. I look at the problem & I say to myself this:

Gerri, 1. Here is the problem (insert here). 2. You are going to wake up tomorrow morning because life doesn't care you have this problem so, it's not going to stop. (*fingers crossed). 3. If it does stop, you have a larger problem then this one ( =/) 4. So, what do I need to today to not wake up to this problem tomorrow? (Insert brain storm) 5. Have a beer, martini, or depending on this issue, both, just for the hell of it...It might not solve the problem but, shoot, it will for right now!

So by the time I go to bed at night (*Cough...or pass out), I know what I'm going to do. Well done, right?

Anyway, back to the person I wish I could be. I actually wish I would be the same person I am now with a little more accomplishment. The Husband/Kid/House thing, I believe I was fooled by Disney so, that, at 26, I've learned to be ok with. Only because I've learned that Cinderella is not based on a true story....at least not in my neck of the woods....that & I to keep myself sane & hopeful, I tell myself it's not my season. See, that's my new thing. If I get all depressed because I have no Husband/Kid/House action, I just say well it's just not meant to happen for you right now, not saying it won't, just not right now. Obviously from this blog you can also see that I talk to myself a lot. Is that normal? I mean, I would say so, obviously. Oh & one more thing about Cinderella, no man comes that trained Mr. Walt Disney. That takes some years of hard effort, trials & tribulations, not a glass slipper on a step...tsk.

By accomplished, I mean the career part. I wish I would of pushed myself & my Salle Mae debt to law school. Not saying I can't do it now but, man, I've made it rain...right to my bank account each month in terms of automatic bill pay WITHDRAWL. I've let the car note come, the apartment rent, the gas bill, the electric bill, the phone bill, cable bill, etc, etc, etc....AND not to mention, have you seen the price of grad school? I can already bet you Salle Mae is going to take my Social Security checks.....if THAT exist when I get old. I didn't hear Cinderalla talk about that, I only heard her talk to birds, mice, & a cat. All of which get to go through their whole life living the same beauty a kid does.

So to the Lawyer I wish I was, Hi, how are you doing? I don't miss you because I don't know you but, I do want to be you when I grow up. Only, I'm grown...which is funny....because when I was writing that letter in 5th & 9th grade, that seemed so far away.

Day 17: Somebody from your childhood

Antwon,

The first day of kindergarden, I made my first friend. It was a little light skinned boy who happened to be at my bus stop....which, I later found out lived right around the corner from me. You followed me around the playground & at the time I minded because boys had cooties. The next year, we both were in Mrs. Chickadances class & even though she randomly sat us somewhere in the room, you always were near me. I specifically remember when it came time to write our young authors book, you copied my book word for word, drawing for drawing. I got so mad but, you just tried to tell me great minds think a alike. Ha!

As the years went on, we built a friendship. You would come to my house on your bike with Antonio trailing along & we would ride all around for no reason. When 5th grade came, I remember the last day specifically. I remember I was kinda tearing up & you asked me what was I crying for. You told me there was no need to cry because we were leaving Harrison Hill & going to middle school. Ha, you were so excited about middle school.

When that summer came, you moved from that house. You guys moved across town & you went to a different school. We lost contact like some do. We would see each other every now & then & exchange a hello but, for the most part, we grew up.

I remember the day you died. We were in 8th grade. I remember that day because the car accident was on the news & when they released your name, I just kinda stood there in shock. You were 13, always a year younger then me, just 13, in the 8th grade & your life was taken away that quickly. I lost my first friend & it stunned me because I didn't know what to do. I remember my Mom not letting me watch or read the paper because there were pictures of the scene. It made me so sad because, I even remember the last time I saw you. It was at a game at South Side High School.....you looked all grown but, you still had that baby face. If I would have known that was the last time I would have ever seen you, I would of at least gave you a hug but, from you I learned that you just never know.

I still have everything from then. The newspaper stories, the newspaper obituary, the funeral program, the plastic card they passed out at the funeral with your picture on the front & Psalm 23 on the back. I remember I brought you a dozen white roses. Sat in the 7th row on the end. Your funeral was at the church at the corner of our houses. The houses we grew up just right around the corner from each other.

I still think about you from time to time. I wonder what you would be up to now, where you would be. It may sound funny but, I once had a dream about you. I had a dream that you pulled up to my house in a car. You beeped the horn & jumped out telling me to come get in, it wasn't the bike anymore. When I woke up, I couldn't shake it. For years I would pull out the yellow envelope that has all those things in it & just looks at the stuff so on this day I pulled it out to discover it was your 16th Birthday. Weird, right?

This day is fitting for you. You were my very first friend I ever made.....my first day of school, waiting on the bus. And the first friend I ever lost....

RIP to my childhood friend, Antwon Hollis.

Love Always,

Gerri

Day 16: Someone that is not in your state.

Lauren, better known as My Mafia Princess,

Today is fitting for you. You are among my favorite people who have ever stepped into my life. You have been there for me since the day I met you in August 2005. Rather it's singing "I had a bad day" at the top of our lungs in the Trusty Grand Prix down 3rd Street, as you picked me up to skip class while you skipped work or you taking me through the big city & turning me into a non tourist New Yorker with subway knowledge to drop like I know where I'm going, I love you so much & you are one of my Best Friends.

Although we do not live in the same state, I don't feel as if we don't. We may not see each other everyday or every month but, when we do it's like we had been at work all day or just have let life get in the way & have missed each other by way of the N or R. I appreciate you, & all you've have done for me. I would have NEVER experienced a lot of things without you.....there is a HUGE list there! You have been there for me in these years & I love you for that.

Most of all, I would like to thank you for being my friend. I am proud to call you that. Where some of us from college don't have such a strong bond as we did, ours continues to grow. I look forward to our yearly vacations or if it's just me coming to shoot the breeze in the city for a week, you will always be my girl. I am very happy for you, you are as successful as I believed you would. As I visited & went to work with you, I admire your talent. You are a beautiful person both inside & out. You mean good in all you do....except when you have your cross eyes going one (LMAO!)

I can't wait for our next adventure.....as you know it is never not one. Know that I'm forever grateful.

Love Always,

Gerri  

Day 15: The person(s) I miss the most.

I know I'm suppose to pick one person but, there are two people that I could not choose between. So, this is to both of them.

Tricia,

My original Hoe, the creator of the drinking monster I became since Ball State, the first person who ever introduced me to what a combine is (Ha!). I've talked with you recently & I'm so excited for what has happened for you however, this day fit for you because it has been so long since we've seen each other & caught up. Life happened & we each got into different things however, no matter how many years go by, you will always be one of my absolute most favorite people that I've ever came across in my life & I am grateful for you. I hope things have been going well for you in Chicago & we MUST plan a play date soon! Know that I will always love you very much, see you sooner then later!

Brandy,

My Love, my subway girl who knows how to cut the old way, & my neighbor from Ball State. You will not ever guess how much I miss you! Since I met you, I've always believed that no one deserves more then you in life then you & I really really really hope all is great! You are such a inspiration & for me (as well as others I'm sure), an extremely beautiful person. I still remember our convos from so long ago & I cannot believe its been 6 years since the dorm room floor, you with your spicy nacho Doritos, Toni with all her craft stuff all over the place, & Tylean watching tv drooling over Chad Michael Murry. I hope to catch up with you soon, I want to see where life is leading you. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you!

Love always,

Gerri

Day 14: Someone you drifted away from

Spice,

I'm not sure what happened. I'm not sure why we don't even talk anymore. I tried to contact you for the longest however, my calls went unreturned, my messages went unanswered, & our friendship just kind of......ended.

I hope all is well with you. The last time I spoke with you, I remember telling you the story of my birthday & making you laugh the hardest you had probably laughed in years. I run into your Mom every now & then & she shares with me how everyone is doing. It's funny because I think she still believes we talk however, I just go with the flow because I'm kinda of dumbfounded at why we do not.

I hope whatever it was, it was for the better for you. I don't recall making you upset....maybe I could have unknowingly & if so, I'm sorry. Anyway, my number is still the same if you ever want to reach out. Life is never to busy to catch up with a old friend.

Love Always, Gerri

Day 13: Someone you wish would forgive you

Over the last couple years, I have done some things that are out of my character. I'm not sure if this person knows what it was I done therefore, I do not even know if they know they should forgive me. If they do, I would like to direct this letter to them.

I apologize, I am sorry. I was in the complete wrong. It was not in my character to do what I did & you did not deserve that. I've learned my lesson.....and somewhat at your expense. I can't go & turn back the hands of time but, I wish I could.....not just for you but, for me as well.