Day 23: Letter to the Last person I kissed

Dear Latrell, Nyssa, Alysha, Jaylen, Neva, Deniah, & Denaya,

The last kiss I received will forever be one of my favorite kisses that I continue to get from the 7 of you, whom I adore with all I have. There is nothing like them. No matter if I've scolded you to the point you've cried, you all, through the years, continue to give me kisses that are filled with so much unconditional Love & I appreciate it so.

Know that I will Love each & every one of you forever, with all I have & will continue to until it's not possible for me to anymore. You're kisses brighten my days. I always sing one simple song to you all that you could probably sing in your sleep. So, it's only fitting that I write it here.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know dear just how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away.....

Love Always,

Auntie Gerri

Day 22: Someone you want to give a second chance to

I believe that everyone deserves a second chance. So in my life, I make it a point to hand those out. And sometimes, I may even hand out a third, forth, or fifth chance....I sometimes never learn my lesson I guess. I don't hold grudges towards anyone. Life is too short for that. Instead, sometimes it takes the person character to make me realize that they aren't someone I need to continue on with. Everyone enters your life for a reason, usually to teach you something nobody else can.....

Day 21: Someone you judged by their first impression

Rob,

When I started thinking who I could attach to this day, I finally decided that it belonged to you. The reason why is a couple months after I met you, I remember you & I were having a conversation at Applebees. It was only you & I this time & we were talking about you & women (Go figure!). While having this conversation, I was expressing something I thought about you just from being around & you got a little uptight about it & said to me, YOU are judgemental. Of course, in my ways, I debated this with you because I debate everything with everyone but, after we left, I thought about it & I had indeed judged you & after 3 years of being friends with you, I have to say I was wrong....now, make sure you take this to heart because it is the only time I am admitting this =).

When I first met you, you were being your normal self. Saying the most explicit things you could to the waitresses & bartender at Applebees, telling you normal stories of life, being hilarious, & of course who could forget the winter life of 2007/summer life of 2008....insane, indescribable times. From picking up things here & there, I got the wrong impression of you & labeled you as being the typical man, always trying to show out. It wasn't until later down the line, when I actually started having conversations with you other then "do you have beer or whiskey or do I need to stop & get some?", did I realize you are not the guy I labeled you to be upon first meeting.

I went through this phase a couple months ago where I started thinking about the people & the relationships I surround myself with everyday. It was then I noticed that I've been living back at home for 3 years & out of the individuals I have met & literally spent all my free time with, I could not tell you anything about their lives other then the obvious. I then started my own personal project, not really telling anyone, to try to get to know these individuals on a personal level. I felt as if I really couldn't call someone a friend if I don't feel as if they could talk to me other then what is going to go on the following weekend. Everyone has a story so I wanted to find out what that story was.

When I decided that it was your turn, I found out a bunch of things which made you not the person I intitally labeled you to be. You are a very open person but, if no one asks, you just don't tell. From what I knew then in 2007 to what I know now in 2011, I do want you to know that I do consider you a good friend, you are a great guy. I am thankful to have met you & I am happy you are apart of my life. I'm sorry for judging you & thanks to you, I realized something about myself that I worked on to fix....& it is still getting better. Ha!

Love Always,

Gerri  

Day 20: The one that broke your heart the hardest

To be honest, I do not know who to apply this letter to if anyone really. I've been hurt before, even lied to but, I cannot say that I've been broken. I thought at one point in my life I was but, now that I have more experience, I just realize I was more disappointed if anything. Although disappointment is a factor to a broken heart, there is a lot more involved in which I have not subjected myself to rather, allowed myself to, if you want to say it that way. I've seen heartbreak, I've seen how it effects people & I know it's something that I should experience but, I want to be one of the lucky ones I guess. One of the ones who just can find imperfect perfection & be happy. I know that may not happen & it may catch up with me sooner or later so, at least I'm not oblivious to the fact that it probably will happen & when it does, it's going to catch me like a whirlwind, just like it does everyone else.....

Day 19: Someone that pesters my mind good or bad

Cal,

You were the first person I met when I found myself being adventurous & moving to IU knowing really no one. You handed me my keys to my first apartment I've ever had, my 3rd random roommate, & most importantly, the keys to something that would change my life forever. Through God's grace, it was one of the best decisions of my life & with it came some great friends, which, are now in my life forever, including no one other then yourself.

You are my best guy friend & I highly doubt that will ever change. You have been there for me through so much. I am beyond grateful for you & love you with all I am. The reason I picked you for today, should be of no surprise to you. You are my drunken savor, my wise advice guru, & the one who makes me look at two sides of the issue instead of my stubborn one side I tend to lean towards every time. No matter how down in the dumps I get, you also never let me forget how great of a person I am & sometimes when I'm down & out, that's just what I need to hear & that I thank you for.

You probably know me better then most people. It's to the point to where you still can predict my next move every time. As we know, we are similar in many ways so it's not to shabby. You're like having one of those books that were out when we were little kids. You know, the goosebump books where you read the story & if you wanted to do this you would skip to this page & if you wanted to that, you go to that page. Only, you're real life. LMAO! I will always listen to you & your advice. You are a wise soul.

Even though you beat my scores in DJ Hero, I will always love you. Anything you ever need, know that I will be here for you. I am so glad to have come across you in my life when I did & for the rest of my life as well!

Love Always,

Gerri

Day 18: The person you wish you could be

I remember in elementary school, in about the 5th grade, your teacher had you write a letter to yourself in 10 years. Then when you get to high school, it's like clockwork that your English teacher has you write a letter to yourself in oh say, 15 years. Well, in all those letters, if I can remember right, I am NO where I thought I would be down the line.

I thought that by now I'd be married. 1 kid, maybe 2 or on my way to one. I would have been a lawyer by now & I would have a house. Well, instead, I'm 0-4. I wish life was as easy as I wrote on that piece of paper. See, when you are a kid & you write those letters, you dream big without the details. Ahh, the beauty of being a kid. The beauty of no bills, no responsibilities....except who you're going to play with on the playground...and last but, not least, no idea of what you have to do to get there.

Now, life is not an excuse. I'm going to tell you guys a little secret about what I do to get through my obstacles. I look at the problem & I say to myself this:

Gerri, 1. Here is the problem (insert here). 2. You are going to wake up tomorrow morning because life doesn't care you have this problem so, it's not going to stop. (*fingers crossed). 3. If it does stop, you have a larger problem then this one ( =/) 4. So, what do I need to today to not wake up to this problem tomorrow? (Insert brain storm) 5. Have a beer, martini, or depending on this issue, both, just for the hell of it...It might not solve the problem but, shoot, it will for right now!

So by the time I go to bed at night (*Cough...or pass out), I know what I'm going to do. Well done, right?

Anyway, back to the person I wish I could be. I actually wish I would be the same person I am now with a little more accomplishment. The Husband/Kid/House thing, I believe I was fooled by Disney so, that, at 26, I've learned to be ok with. Only because I've learned that Cinderella is not based on a true story....at least not in my neck of the woods....that & I to keep myself sane & hopeful, I tell myself it's not my season. See, that's my new thing. If I get all depressed because I have no Husband/Kid/House action, I just say well it's just not meant to happen for you right now, not saying it won't, just not right now. Obviously from this blog you can also see that I talk to myself a lot. Is that normal? I mean, I would say so, obviously. Oh & one more thing about Cinderella, no man comes that trained Mr. Walt Disney. That takes some years of hard effort, trials & tribulations, not a glass slipper on a step...tsk.

By accomplished, I mean the career part. I wish I would of pushed myself & my Salle Mae debt to law school. Not saying I can't do it now but, man, I've made it rain...right to my bank account each month in terms of automatic bill pay WITHDRAWL. I've let the car note come, the apartment rent, the gas bill, the electric bill, the phone bill, cable bill, etc, etc, etc....AND not to mention, have you seen the price of grad school? I can already bet you Salle Mae is going to take my Social Security checks.....if THAT exist when I get old. I didn't hear Cinderalla talk about that, I only heard her talk to birds, mice, & a cat. All of which get to go through their whole life living the same beauty a kid does.

So to the Lawyer I wish I was, Hi, how are you doing? I don't miss you because I don't know you but, I do want to be you when I grow up. Only, I'm grown...which is funny....because when I was writing that letter in 5th & 9th grade, that seemed so far away.

Day 17: Somebody from your childhood

Antwon,

The first day of kindergarden, I made my first friend. It was a little light skinned boy who happened to be at my bus stop....which, I later found out lived right around the corner from me. You followed me around the playground & at the time I minded because boys had cooties. The next year, we both were in Mrs. Chickadances class & even though she randomly sat us somewhere in the room, you always were near me. I specifically remember when it came time to write our young authors book, you copied my book word for word, drawing for drawing. I got so mad but, you just tried to tell me great minds think a alike. Ha!

As the years went on, we built a friendship. You would come to my house on your bike with Antonio trailing along & we would ride all around for no reason. When 5th grade came, I remember the last day specifically. I remember I was kinda tearing up & you asked me what was I crying for. You told me there was no need to cry because we were leaving Harrison Hill & going to middle school. Ha, you were so excited about middle school.

When that summer came, you moved from that house. You guys moved across town & you went to a different school. We lost contact like some do. We would see each other every now & then & exchange a hello but, for the most part, we grew up.

I remember the day you died. We were in 8th grade. I remember that day because the car accident was on the news & when they released your name, I just kinda stood there in shock. You were 13, always a year younger then me, just 13, in the 8th grade & your life was taken away that quickly. I lost my first friend & it stunned me because I didn't know what to do. I remember my Mom not letting me watch or read the paper because there were pictures of the scene. It made me so sad because, I even remember the last time I saw you. It was at a game at South Side High School.....you looked all grown but, you still had that baby face. If I would have known that was the last time I would have ever seen you, I would of at least gave you a hug but, from you I learned that you just never know.

I still have everything from then. The newspaper stories, the newspaper obituary, the funeral program, the plastic card they passed out at the funeral with your picture on the front & Psalm 23 on the back. I remember I brought you a dozen white roses. Sat in the 7th row on the end. Your funeral was at the church at the corner of our houses. The houses we grew up just right around the corner from each other.

I still think about you from time to time. I wonder what you would be up to now, where you would be. It may sound funny but, I once had a dream about you. I had a dream that you pulled up to my house in a car. You beeped the horn & jumped out telling me to come get in, it wasn't the bike anymore. When I woke up, I couldn't shake it. For years I would pull out the yellow envelope that has all those things in it & just looks at the stuff so on this day I pulled it out to discover it was your 16th Birthday. Weird, right?

This day is fitting for you. You were my very first friend I ever made.....my first day of school, waiting on the bus. And the first friend I ever lost....

RIP to my childhood friend, Antwon Hollis.

Love Always,

Gerri